Lost and FO

At the risk of being brutally honest and shattering any illusion that my life is all roses and sunshine (snort! snort!), I must confess I feel I have lost something lately...has anyone seen my joy? It seems to have wandered off. If you should stumble across it, would you send it back to me please?

I have now been a stay-at-home mom for approximately 21 years. I fear that I may have grown weary in well doing. No need to panic. I'm not planning to go out and get a job, or leave my family, or anything drastic like that. But the truth of the matter is, a lot of what my life consists of has become drudgery to me. There is a never-ending cycle of laundry and dishes and cooking and home schooling. Most of these are tasks that are never DONE, finished, complete. I can get the family all fed and the kitchen all clean, only to find a few hours later there are hungry mouths and a huge mess to deal with all over again! I don't often get the chance to do something, clap my hands together and think "There! Now that's complete! I don't have to do that again!"

Right now, homemaking feels less like an interesting journey down a scenic path; more like a marathon run by doing laps on a short round track over and over again. I'm not throwing in the towel or calling it quits. I continue to do what needs to be done, but I want my mojo back! I want to enjoy doing things I need to do. I want to feel inspired. So, should you look out your window and happen to see my joy running past, would you quickly nab it for me?

Well, that covers the "lost." Now on to the "FO" (otherwise known as "finished object.")


No, not my son. He's still a work in progress. ;-P The FO is the scarf around his neck. The pattern is "Daybreak" knit with Cascade Yarns Heritage Hand Painted Sock Yarn, colors -- 9872 "Thunder" and 5601 Black.

Here is a photo of it while still in progress, but it gives an idea of the shape of the scarf/shawl.


The photo really doesn't do the "thunder" colorway justice. It is a gorgeous hand-painted yarn with greys and some denim blues and even a bit of mossy green in it. It was really yummy to knit with. Originally it was made for my college boy in the mountains (not the one in the photo.) However, I learned that he preferred something in more "earthy" colors. Truth be told, I was thrilled! As I knit it, I fell in love with my Daybreak and I really didn't want to give it away. I have been wearing it quite a bit. It is amazing how much warmer I feel with some wool wrapped around my neck.

***Edited to add an afterthought: Don't want anyone out there to think I am drowning in the depths of despair. I'm okay, honestly! I am sure everyone feels this way about their life/occupation/career sometimes. I think I will read through Proverbs 31 and pull out my copy of "The Gentle Art of Domesticity" for a little inspiration.

Update on My Life...

Consistency in blogging is not my strong point. It ebbs and flows with the tides of my life. Those who are closest to me have an idea of what I have been up to for the last 6 months or so. My poor internet friends get left hanging. Sorry. So, for your reading pleasure, a brief update:

• Home-makeover was completed and we moved back in. Just as I feared, all projects not finished before move-in are still waiting for me to finish! I have lots of little touch-ups, and small painting projects waiting for me to find the motivation and time. (Maybe this summer.)
• College son #1 is doing well in school. He may be changing his major to engineering. He has been investigating the possibility of doing a SEND International summer missions trip to Alaska.
  
• College son #2 is also enjoying his time at a university in the mountains. He is participating in a 5-6 week STIM missions trip to China this summer. His plans are still to go to med school after finishing undergrad work.
• Son #3 graduates from high school soon. He has been accepted to same school as son #2 and is very excited about living in the mountains too.
• Oldest daughter completed her junior work and is currently working hard to finish her home schooling high school requirements a year early. If she does, she will be attending the local community college for her "senior" year. She is planning on spending her summer working with kids at the Word of Life family camp located in upstate New York. This is not a paid job, but she will earn scholarship money towards attending Word of Life Bible Institute which she wants to attend after high school.
• Son #4 has turned 15 and is doing great. His skills with the guitar have increased and he amazes me with his ability, especially considering he has never had lessons. He plays each week with the praise band at youth group.
• Daughter #2 will turn 13 this summer, but she already looks and acts like a teenager. Where did my little girl go? She is still playing piano and does so beautifully. She also has a lovely voice and sings with the praise band weekly at youth group.
• Daughter #3 is may be the "baby" of the family, but she is no baby! Now 7 years old, she is reading well and shows a good head for math. This year in home schooling we have completed1st grade and proceeded to 2nd. She has also taken up the violin and definitely has an "ear" for music.
• Hubby has changed jobs this year and is now working for the local university (can you say "vacation, sick leave, and health benefits?") In addition to working full-time and supporting this large family, he is pursuing his Master's Degree in Library Science and hopes to someday work in an academic library or some sort of archives.
• I am still doing all the "mom" jobs around the house and homeschooling the 5 kids not in university. I have found a little spare time to knit a few things this year. I may start going to school in the fall part-time to pursue a nursing degree. I never finished my degree years ago and 20 years of being "mom" does not exactly give me a "marketable" skill. We do not know what the future holds and I am not promised that dear hubby will always be here to provide for me (although I pray for us to both grow old together!) I have no plans to abandon my children for a full-time job. However, it would be nice to be able to contribute to the household budget if the need should arise.

I guess that will get you up to speed on my world.

Oh, and just to explain the posts below from the last two days...I had a small "fitness" blog to track my progress as I attempt to eat healthier and get fit. I found the blogging software at LiveStrong greatly lacking, so I have moved those posts to my blog here. I have been tracking all my food online at The Daily Plate and exercising regularly. I have been learning alot about health and fitness and now know that the scale is NOT an accurate measure of "fitness" since a person can weigh less, but be less healthy and have more body fat. My goals now have to do with strength, endurance and bodyfat percentage.

Too Many Choices!!!

Am I the only person who is feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of choices that abound these days??? I find it in almost any area of my life...go to the grocery store and just look at one section, like the number of salad dressings. Good grief! I think I'll just make my own!

I remember back in the good old days of home schooling. You know, the days when people looked at me in amazement and asked me, "Is that LEGAL?" Back then, we stayed home. We read books. We struggled to find good curriculum and we only knew a select few other people who were doing the same thing. Now, there is such a large quantity curriculum out there geared towards home schoolers that I can not even possibly investigate it all. And the options for extracurricular activities?? Well, in my community, there are so many sports, clubs, co-ops and social engagements arranged for home schoolers that my head is spinning! Most of it is good or profitable, but REALLY! We are supposed to be HOME schooling. How can we do that if we are never HOME!?

We don't have cable or satellite TV, but I pity the people who do. It must be hard to settle on something and watch. It seems a lot of folk just use the remote and go from channel to channel to channel. Ha! Remember the stone age when there were only 3 major networks and no DVD or video tapes? Remember how exciting it was when The Wizard of Oz came on once a year? It seemed so special then! These days it seems there is nothing special about TV or movies. (Okay, I admit that lately we have been greatly enjoying the Jane Austin pieces on Masterpiece.) The choices are vast and mostly mediocre. You can rent or own a movie and watch it any time you want and as many times as you want. Ho, hum.

I just feel like I am faced with too many decisions all around me. Recently, I joined Ravelry, an online knitting and crochet community. I am amazed! Astounded! It is an awesome place to be. There are some wonderful tools provided so that I can inventory my yarns and needlework tools and books. There are forums and groups. hundreds, nay thousands of different groups and forums. There are all sorts of interesting people who like to knit and crochet and spin. These people write all sorts of informative and witty things. All this to choose from, and Ravelry is just teensy tiny speck of dust in the vast internet world. Due to the recent popularity in knitting and crochet, there are so many more interesting blogs and books to read on the subject. Volumes of patterns calling my name. Web merchant upon web merchant offering a plethora of lovely yarn. How can one person possibly wade through it all and find her cozy little corner in the middle of all this?

Don't get me wrong, variety and choices can be a very good thing. I am thankful for all that is available to me. But can it have a downside? I begin to wonder if it is adding to the disease of stress that plagues our nation. Was man meant to make so many choices every day? Just think of all the available options for what to have for breakfast, what to wear, what to read, what to do, what to listen to, what to watch...By the end of the day I find myself exhausted by the large number of decisions that have to be made. The variety and selection in almost any area of life is ever increasing in American society, but contentment and satisfaction are not. Why is that?

This is something I have been pondering lately. It is one of the reasons I am hoping to make steps towards simplifying my life and home. But I will save that topic for another post.

A PROPER Update!

Well, I promised a proper update months ago. Ahem! Sorry about that! Notice anything new?? Yes, I changed the look of my blog! I figured since this is virtually a fresh start after a prolonged absence, I would like a new look. This is a much cleaner layout. Also, there is more info in the sidebar. I still want to do some tweaking, but so far, whaddaya' think?

Summer was busy, busy, busy! We did not ever get a proper vacation. No beach trips (even though the ocean is about 2 hours away). No mountain holidays. Nada.

Our family did manage to spend a long weekend in the DC area visiting my brother's family. It was August. It was hot. It was exhausting. Trying to visit sites in DC with 7 kids aging in range from 5 to 18 can be a bit of a challenge but we squeezed in as much as we could. I want to go back sometime, just s, and spend hours and hours in art museums. YUM!

Summer was dry as a desert for me creatively speaking. I just seemed to lack inspiration to work on current projects or start new ones. I think the disastrously discombobulated workspace added much to that problem...I can't work in chaos. As mentioned in my previous post, I worked some on organizing my office, but not as much as I had hoped. I even bought one of those closet organization system this weekend and hung new shelves and racks etc. in my office closet. I went through all the containers of fabric and supplies and sorted and organized. Now, almost all of my fabric is sitting on shelves where I can actually see what I have on hand. I love looking at all the pretty, pretty patterns. Makes me want to sew. I can feel the need to create welling up in me. Lately I have also been spending time browsing blogs and sites that inspire.

If I could, I would post photos of my office transformation in progress, but one of my dear children dropped my camera on the concrete floor of the Smithsonian and damaged it...severely. The lens will no longer retract and it can not focus any more. Basically, it would cost more to fix it than it is worth. Boo! Hoo! So, I am hoping for money to fall from heaven so I can get a new camera. (((Sigh))) Any recommendations of affordable cameras???

CH-CH-CHANGES:

Our dear oldest son has moved into the dorms and started his adventures in University Land. I think he has adjusted well. Of course, we miss him bunches. But he comes home often. (Can you hear my big sigh of relief?)

Hubby is now working on his masters degree. After years of being unhappy working in "business" and unable to change the situation much, he has decided to pursue his Master's in Library Science. I am so proud of him. It isn't easy to work full time and go back to school. His undergrad is in History, and I know that working in a library environment will be much better suited to his personality and abilities. This means that I actually have 4 fellows in college! Oldest son and hubby in university, sons #2 and #3 are both taking college courses at the local community college concurrently while they are still in high school.

And speaking of school, we are back at it full force with the home schooling. Just to start the year off with a bang, I managed to get some sort of yucky head cold thing that lasted over two weeks. It made me very fuzzy brained and adding 2 + 2 was an intellectual challenge. Near the end of that, last week, a stomach virus made its way through the troops. What a fun weekend was had by all...not!

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog,

I know that I have not been around much. I am sorry if I have made you feel forgotten and neglected. I think of you often and I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. It's not that I have wanted to forsake you. Really, you must believe me. It's just that I have been so busy tending to the needs of others that I have not had time to give you all that you deserve in a relationship. If it is any consolation, Yarn Basket and Sewing Machine and Reading List are also angry with me for not being around much!

You will have to understand that my family comes first. And do you remember that I am a teacher? Well, not professionally, but I do home school all my 7 kids. That takes a LOT of time! And one of those kids is a senior and I have been swamped and overwhelmed with all the things that I must do to prepare for his graduation. And college...Blog, have you ever waded through all the forms and applications that are necessary to get a fellow into college? It boggles the mind! Oh, by the way, did I tell you that he was invited to participate in the honors program at a local university and that they gave him a $20,000 scholarship? We are so proud of him! Of course, we are proud of all our other kids too.

Anyway, school is almost over for this year and I am trying to be faithful to the end, although it is hard when Spring comes on. Both the kids and I are ready for a break.

So, please forgive me for not spending more time with you. I know that communication is the key to a good relationship and I will try to do better in the future.

Sincerely, your friend,
BusyHSmom

It's THAT time again!!

Warning: This is a post about home schooling. If you do not home school, nor have any interest in home schooling, please move on because I will probably bore you to tears!

Another warning: My mind is running in 10 different directions at moment on this subject. I apologize ahead of time for any incoherence!


It is that time again. Time to start planning for the upcoming school year...and I am floundering!

Here is what people on the outside see and say: "Wow! She really must have her act together. I can't imagine juggling 7 kids and home schooling them too! And they are all so smart and accomplished and polite. I don't know how she does it!"

Here is what I think on the inside: "I am a miserable failure. Yes, my kids are smart, but I should have done so much MORE! They are fine by the world's standards, but I should have pushed harder, been more disciplined. If I had been more pushy and not allowed them to be so self-directed they would have more accomplishments by now. They could be fluent in a foreign language or studying nuclear physics by now or playing an instrument at Carnegie Hall. The older ones got all my attention and zeal because I was younger and excited when I started to home school them. The middle ones have fallen through the cracks. I can't believe that I have compromised all my ideals and haven fallen back on boxed curriculum for my older kids so that I can get it all done. If I was more self-disciplined we could be doing more creative stuff."

Here is what people on the outside say: "You've been doing this for 13 years? You must have a lot of experience and wisdom. You probably know exactly how to do it all now."

Here is what I think on the inside: "I have NO IDEA what I should be doing this year with my 5th grader!! I want her to be more excited about learning. During her beginning school year I was pregnant and miserable. Then I got distracted trying to figure out the whole high school thing with her older siblings. Her last year was a big mess. She is so bright in all areas and even natural to math and yet she says she hates math! ARGH! I don't want her to think learning is a drudge...something to get out of the way so she can move on to what she enjoys. And my 7th grader...I certainly have not spent enough time with him. He is definitely the neglected middle kid. It isn't fair! And what about my 4 1/2 year old? She is so bright and eager. It doesn't seem fair to hold her back when she is so ready to learn, but really, I had not planned on starting her until after her oldest brother graduated this coming year."

Honestly, I was more self-assured in the beginning than I am now. I guess there is something to be said for being young and foolish and believing you have all the answers. With maturity and wisdom comes the realization that I do NOT have all the answers, that there is not just one way to do it, that I should not look down my nose at folks who use a "boxed curriculum," that what worked great for one child may be a total flop with the next.

When all those nagging doubts plague me, this is what I have to tell myself:

~My children are people. Yes, people. They are not empty boxes to be filled. They have unique personalities, abilities and needs.

~It is not necessary for me or my children to meet other people's standards. We must do our best to follow God's plan for ourfamily. NEVER compare ourselves to others.

~My children are happy and content with who they are. Most of their accomplishments are their own...they pursued their own interests and were not pushed by some over zealous parent who needed to be fulfilled by having a child prodigy to brag about.

~My children have had the good fortune to be allowed to be children. They have not been pushed by the media, pop culture, or peers into dealing with adult issues before they are old enough.

~My children can relate to and converse with anyone of any age. They do not require that someone be within 12 months of their own age to be able to communicate. They can talk to folks decades older and younger than they are. They do not look at adults as if we are aliens and they do not treat younger folk with disdain.

~My children know that in our home, relationships with God other people come first.

~My older kids all know the satisfaction of hard work and earning their own money. They also know that money and possessions will not bring happiness.

~My kids may not know everything, but if they are interested in something, they know HOW to pursue it and learn more about it.


Well, I guess I am not such a failure after all!