Thursday, May 27, 2010
This morning I stumbled over my running shoes and workout clothes sitting in the middle of my floor. I don't remember putting them there. How did they get out of my closet?? Then I noticed a piece of paper sitting on top the exercise gear. Much to my dismay, the following words were scrawled across the page:
You know, for a pretty smart cookie, you sure can act dumb sometimes! When are you going to learn that you just can't eat and act like "normal" people and feel "normal?" How many times do we have to go through this cycle of feeling totally crummy before you are going to get it? I know it doesn't seem fair, but face it, Honey, life isn't fair. So what if other folks seem to be able to eat junk and get along fine? I can't do it. I am special and you have to take better care of me! I'm the only body you've got.
Remember last year when you were eating clean and working out hard? Remember how great we felt? Ahhh, good times! Yeah, yeah. You hurt your back and that was a royal pain, but that's no excuse for totally throwing in the towel. Besides,that was months and months ago. What's your excuse now? Time to move on from that. I know I may sound mean, but I think it is time you had a little tough love and faced the facts:
--Notice how our clothes seem to be getting tight on me? Yeah, I put on weight when you don't make good food choices.
--And what's with the lack of exercise? Look kiddo' if you don't take me out and work me hard a bit, we are going to end up with a horrible middle-age spread.
--But let me be frank, gaining a little weight and our vanity is the least of our problems! Let's talk about allergy symptoms, muscle knots, sore joints, lethargy, muddled thinking, yadda, yadda, yadda...you know I am not functioning optimally. You know you can't get everything done when I feel like I have the flu. Don't make me use the "fibromyalgia" word!
Oh, please! Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself! This is the way it has to be. You know the drill, but I'm gonna' tell you anyway:
--Get back on your mostly-vegan, mostly-raw eating regimen. It works for you. It isn't the easiest or most convenient, but put on your big girl panties and do what you know is right for you.
--Drink more water.
--Cut back on the coffee.
--Get plenty of sleep.
--Get up and get moving more. I don't care what you do, but since you haven't been behaving like the brightest bulb in the box, I will list here some ideas. These won't cost you a penny because you already have all that is necessary to do them:
30 Day Shred
The New Rules of Lifting for Women
Or any combination of the above. As the famous ad campaign says, "Just do it!"
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being hard on you, but these things needed to be said. We're a team and we've gotta' work together. With a little will-power and self-control on your part, and some hard work and sweat on my part, we could be so much better. Whaddaya' say?
Signed with much love and a swift kick in your ever expanding pants,