Lost and FO

At the risk of being brutally honest and shattering any illusion that my life is all roses and sunshine (snort! snort!), I must confess I feel I have lost something lately...has anyone seen my joy? It seems to have wandered off. If you should stumble across it, would you send it back to me please?

I have now been a stay-at-home mom for approximately 21 years. I fear that I may have grown weary in well doing. No need to panic. I'm not planning to go out and get a job, or leave my family, or anything drastic like that. But the truth of the matter is, a lot of what my life consists of has become drudgery to me. There is a never-ending cycle of laundry and dishes and cooking and home schooling. Most of these are tasks that are never DONE, finished, complete. I can get the family all fed and the kitchen all clean, only to find a few hours later there are hungry mouths and a huge mess to deal with all over again! I don't often get the chance to do something, clap my hands together and think "There! Now that's complete! I don't have to do that again!"

Right now, homemaking feels less like an interesting journey down a scenic path; more like a marathon run by doing laps on a short round track over and over again. I'm not throwing in the towel or calling it quits. I continue to do what needs to be done, but I want my mojo back! I want to enjoy doing things I need to do. I want to feel inspired. So, should you look out your window and happen to see my joy running past, would you quickly nab it for me?

Well, that covers the "lost." Now on to the "FO" (otherwise known as "finished object.")


No, not my son. He's still a work in progress. ;-P The FO is the scarf around his neck. The pattern is "Daybreak" knit with Cascade Yarns Heritage Hand Painted Sock Yarn, colors -- 9872 "Thunder" and 5601 Black.

Here is a photo of it while still in progress, but it gives an idea of the shape of the scarf/shawl.


The photo really doesn't do the "thunder" colorway justice. It is a gorgeous hand-painted yarn with greys and some denim blues and even a bit of mossy green in it. It was really yummy to knit with. Originally it was made for my college boy in the mountains (not the one in the photo.) However, I learned that he preferred something in more "earthy" colors. Truth be told, I was thrilled! As I knit it, I fell in love with my Daybreak and I really didn't want to give it away. I have been wearing it quite a bit. It is amazing how much warmer I feel with some wool wrapped around my neck.

***Edited to add an afterthought: Don't want anyone out there to think I am drowning in the depths of despair. I'm okay, honestly! I am sure everyone feels this way about their life/occupation/career sometimes. I think I will read through Proverbs 31 and pull out my copy of "The Gentle Art of Domesticity" for a little inspiration.

Update on My Life...

Consistency in blogging is not my strong point. It ebbs and flows with the tides of my life. Those who are closest to me have an idea of what I have been up to for the last 6 months or so. My poor internet friends get left hanging. Sorry. So, for your reading pleasure, a brief update:

• Home-makeover was completed and we moved back in. Just as I feared, all projects not finished before move-in are still waiting for me to finish! I have lots of little touch-ups, and small painting projects waiting for me to find the motivation and time. (Maybe this summer.)
• College son #1 is doing well in school. He may be changing his major to engineering. He has been investigating the possibility of doing a SEND International summer missions trip to Alaska.
  
• College son #2 is also enjoying his time at a university in the mountains. He is participating in a 5-6 week STIM missions trip to China this summer. His plans are still to go to med school after finishing undergrad work.
• Son #3 graduates from high school soon. He has been accepted to same school as son #2 and is very excited about living in the mountains too.
• Oldest daughter completed her junior work and is currently working hard to finish her home schooling high school requirements a year early. If she does, she will be attending the local community college for her "senior" year. She is planning on spending her summer working with kids at the Word of Life family camp located in upstate New York. This is not a paid job, but she will earn scholarship money towards attending Word of Life Bible Institute which she wants to attend after high school.
• Son #4 has turned 15 and is doing great. His skills with the guitar have increased and he amazes me with his ability, especially considering he has never had lessons. He plays each week with the praise band at youth group.
• Daughter #2 will turn 13 this summer, but she already looks and acts like a teenager. Where did my little girl go? She is still playing piano and does so beautifully. She also has a lovely voice and sings with the praise band weekly at youth group.
• Daughter #3 is may be the "baby" of the family, but she is no baby! Now 7 years old, she is reading well and shows a good head for math. This year in home schooling we have completed1st grade and proceeded to 2nd. She has also taken up the violin and definitely has an "ear" for music.
• Hubby has changed jobs this year and is now working for the local university (can you say "vacation, sick leave, and health benefits?") In addition to working full-time and supporting this large family, he is pursuing his Master's Degree in Library Science and hopes to someday work in an academic library or some sort of archives.
• I am still doing all the "mom" jobs around the house and homeschooling the 5 kids not in university. I have found a little spare time to knit a few things this year. I may start going to school in the fall part-time to pursue a nursing degree. I never finished my degree years ago and 20 years of being "mom" does not exactly give me a "marketable" skill. We do not know what the future holds and I am not promised that dear hubby will always be here to provide for me (although I pray for us to both grow old together!) I have no plans to abandon my children for a full-time job. However, it would be nice to be able to contribute to the household budget if the need should arise.

I guess that will get you up to speed on my world.

Oh, and just to explain the posts below from the last two days...I had a small "fitness" blog to track my progress as I attempt to eat healthier and get fit. I found the blogging software at LiveStrong greatly lacking, so I have moved those posts to my blog here. I have been tracking all my food online at The Daily Plate and exercising regularly. I have been learning alot about health and fitness and now know that the scale is NOT an accurate measure of "fitness" since a person can weigh less, but be less healthy and have more body fat. My goals now have to do with strength, endurance and bodyfat percentage.

Encouragement.

I have a lot of thoughts and ideas and words swirling around in my head, but I will spare you that for the moment! Suffice it to say that if you are a mother (or if you know a mother, or have a mother,) please take a moment to go read MollyCoddle's August 17th post titled "A High Calling." It isn't long. It will only take you a moment or two. But it is soooo worth it! I stumbled across it this morning and it blessed me in a great way!

And if you have more time, you may want to ramble through her blog for a while and read more. Lovely, thoughtful, encouraging...a sweet and gentle spirit. So stop wasting your time here reading my babbling and go get refreshed at MollyCoddle's blog.

Do I LOOK like Wonder Woman???

I am sick. It is like a scene from Little Women. While one of my children soothes my fevered brow, another is fluffing my pillow. Yet another asks if there is anything he can do or get for me. My daughter brings me a warm, comforting drink. The older ones remind the younger ones that Mother Dear is ill and they must be quiet so that she can get her rest.

Well, at least that is how it goes in my fantasy world!

In the real world, I am laying on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, looking like death warmed over, hacking and sniffling, and my children are moving about as quiet as a herd of buffalo. I don't think it takes any supernatural powers of observation to deduct by my appearance (and the 100 used tissues that surround me) that perhaps I may be just a tad under the weather. But somehow, in my house I have to announce it.

"Mom, are we doing anything today?

"No. I am sick!"

"Mom, can you take us to the mall?"

"No. I am sick!"

"Mom, will you make me French toast?"

"No. I am sick!"

"Mom, what is for dinner tonight?"

"I am not sure, but let me get up and drag myself into the kitchen to prepare your meal. Oh, and if I should happen to pass out, and you find me laid out on the floor, please be kind and throw a little cold water on my face to rouse me."

I don't know. I would like to think that I have raised kind, compassionate, thoughtful children. However, I have failed. It is either failure, or they have somehow gotten in their minds that I am Wonder Woman, totally impervious to all infections and viruses.

When did "normal" become the exception??

My daughter asked me what we had to do today? Do? Do??? I found myself irritated by the question. As if the day is not complete unless we do something other than the ordinary, mundane things that get done in a day.

How did it happen? When did a "normal" day become the exception rather than the rule around here?

You may ask, "What is a normal day?" Well, for me, a normal day would be a day when we get up, have breakfast, home school, do housework, cook meals, eat, play, etc. It would be a day with no outside obligations, appointments, lessons, etc. No running around. No major interruptions.

Right now, a week of "normal" days almost sounds nicer to me than a week's vacation!!

A PROPER Update!

Well, I promised a proper update months ago. Ahem! Sorry about that! Notice anything new?? Yes, I changed the look of my blog! I figured since this is virtually a fresh start after a prolonged absence, I would like a new look. This is a much cleaner layout. Also, there is more info in the sidebar. I still want to do some tweaking, but so far, whaddaya' think?

Summer was busy, busy, busy! We did not ever get a proper vacation. No beach trips (even though the ocean is about 2 hours away). No mountain holidays. Nada.

Our family did manage to spend a long weekend in the DC area visiting my brother's family. It was August. It was hot. It was exhausting. Trying to visit sites in DC with 7 kids aging in range from 5 to 18 can be a bit of a challenge but we squeezed in as much as we could. I want to go back sometime, just s, and spend hours and hours in art museums. YUM!

Summer was dry as a desert for me creatively speaking. I just seemed to lack inspiration to work on current projects or start new ones. I think the disastrously discombobulated workspace added much to that problem...I can't work in chaos. As mentioned in my previous post, I worked some on organizing my office, but not as much as I had hoped. I even bought one of those closet organization system this weekend and hung new shelves and racks etc. in my office closet. I went through all the containers of fabric and supplies and sorted and organized. Now, almost all of my fabric is sitting on shelves where I can actually see what I have on hand. I love looking at all the pretty, pretty patterns. Makes me want to sew. I can feel the need to create welling up in me. Lately I have also been spending time browsing blogs and sites that inspire.

If I could, I would post photos of my office transformation in progress, but one of my dear children dropped my camera on the concrete floor of the Smithsonian and damaged it...severely. The lens will no longer retract and it can not focus any more. Basically, it would cost more to fix it than it is worth. Boo! Hoo! So, I am hoping for money to fall from heaven so I can get a new camera. (((Sigh))) Any recommendations of affordable cameras???

CH-CH-CHANGES:

Our dear oldest son has moved into the dorms and started his adventures in University Land. I think he has adjusted well. Of course, we miss him bunches. But he comes home often. (Can you hear my big sigh of relief?)

Hubby is now working on his masters degree. After years of being unhappy working in "business" and unable to change the situation much, he has decided to pursue his Master's in Library Science. I am so proud of him. It isn't easy to work full time and go back to school. His undergrad is in History, and I know that working in a library environment will be much better suited to his personality and abilities. This means that I actually have 4 fellows in college! Oldest son and hubby in university, sons #2 and #3 are both taking college courses at the local community college concurrently while they are still in high school.

And speaking of school, we are back at it full force with the home schooling. Just to start the year off with a bang, I managed to get some sort of yucky head cold thing that lasted over two weeks. It made me very fuzzy brained and adding 2 + 2 was an intellectual challenge. Near the end of that, last week, a stomach virus made its way through the troops. What a fun weekend was had by all...not!

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog,

I know that I have not been around much. I am sorry if I have made you feel forgotten and neglected. I think of you often and I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. It's not that I have wanted to forsake you. Really, you must believe me. It's just that I have been so busy tending to the needs of others that I have not had time to give you all that you deserve in a relationship. If it is any consolation, Yarn Basket and Sewing Machine and Reading List are also angry with me for not being around much!

You will have to understand that my family comes first. And do you remember that I am a teacher? Well, not professionally, but I do home school all my 7 kids. That takes a LOT of time! And one of those kids is a senior and I have been swamped and overwhelmed with all the things that I must do to prepare for his graduation. And college...Blog, have you ever waded through all the forms and applications that are necessary to get a fellow into college? It boggles the mind! Oh, by the way, did I tell you that he was invited to participate in the honors program at a local university and that they gave him a $20,000 scholarship? We are so proud of him! Of course, we are proud of all our other kids too.

Anyway, school is almost over for this year and I am trying to be faithful to the end, although it is hard when Spring comes on. Both the kids and I are ready for a break.

So, please forgive me for not spending more time with you. I know that communication is the key to a good relationship and I will try to do better in the future.

Sincerely, your friend,
BusyHSmom

How to avoid sleep...

If you feel that you are just getting too much sleep, and you just can't figure out a good way to promote more sleep deprivation an exhaustion in your life, I have just the solution for you!

VOLUNTEER TO BE A CHAPERONE AT YOUR CHURCH'S YOUTH TRIP

Yes, folks, it is that simple! Just pile into a couple of vans full of energetic teenagers. Drive for about 3-4 hours. (Be sure that you get suckered into actually driving one of the vans so that you can not relax during the drive.) Time the trip so that you barely make it to the quiz competition in time, so you that the kids can't get dinner before they must compete. Check into a hotel after 9:00 and share a room with three young adolescent gals. Allow gals to drink Pepsi at 11:00 at night and watch them bounce off the walls so that they don't settle down until well after 1:00.

If that is not late enough, take the burden of responsibility pretty heavily, so that everytime you hear a door open or footsteps down the hall, you wonder if it is one of your kids who do not have an sleeping in their room. Therefore, you feel you must get up out of bed and look out the door and check to be certain they are not getting into trouble.

It works even better if there are four adolescent boys sleeping in the room next door and their beds are up against the same wall as your bed. Then you can have the muffled sound of their voices keep you up until well past 2:00 a.m.

Be sure to wake up before 6:00 a.m. the next day. Spend an exhausting Saturday full of activities and competitions with the kids. Drive home at night. Don't get back until late. Be sure that your hubby must teach Sunday School the next morning so that sleeping in is not an option.

And there you have it...a surefire recipe for sleep deprivation and exhaustion!

(Actually, I had a great time, and I was more than happy to help out, but PSHEW! I am still tired 3 days later!)

Ack! Has it been almost a week?!?!

Don't you just hate it when you go to a blog that you visit regularly day after day, only to find that the blogger has not made any new posts??? Oh wait! Ummm, that would be me! Sorry about that. It is just that in the grand scheme of things, blogging has gotten pushed way down on my list. Sorry to neglect my blog and leave you hanging. I have not been able to post my projects because I have been working on something for my secret pal. (and if I posted it, it would not be secret!) And my life has been pretty boring to read about. Here is how my past week has gone: (Warning! These are just the boring details of my life, so please feel free to move on to a more exciting blog now.)

--Friday was get ready for the outdoor artisan's market. This means gathering all my creations and borrowing a tent and tables for display.
--Saturday found me out of bed before 6 a.m. and dragging all my "goodies" (i.e. hairsticks, jewelry, needlework and my son's photography) off to a nearby town to sit under a tent and peddle my wares. We did very well, thank you! Saturday evening was spent returning the borrowed tables and tent and then rushing to the kitchen to prepare food for Sunday because...
--Sunday was homecoming at our church. Is homecoming a southern thing or universal? Well, to explain it in 20 words or less, it is essentially like a family reunion, but for the church family. Everyone brings lots of yummy food and you fellowship. To make it an even more hectic day, on Sunday evening, the youth group were gathering at our house, so that meant Sunday afternoon was spent cleaning up (although I don't know why I bothered!) and preparing food to feed the hungry masses. It was great fun.
--Monday was back to home schooling all the usual family madness. (Lot's of shuttling people back and forth to various commitments.
--Tuesday meant a Dr's appt for my 12 year old son. If you pray, keep him in your prayers please, he has a medical issue that I will not broadcast to the world for the sake of his privacy.
--Wednesday brought more shuttling around during the day and AWANA on Wednesday night. My younger kids participate and my older ones help the leadership.
--And today, well let's just say I have driven one child to a violin lesson. Come home. Driven a son to the community college for a meeting. Come home. Taken 2 teens to a meeting at a house across town, dropped off another at her piano lesson, run an errand, retrieved the pianist, come home...and I STILL have to go back and pick up the teens from their meeting across town!!

Saying that I am a stay-at-home mom is becoming the family joke.

Being Painfully Honest...

I hope that I can express myself in a coherent manner here. Please note that if I pose questions to you, that really, I am posing them to myself! However, if you have any answers that you would like to share, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

What makes you feel valued, good about yourself, appreciated? Where do you go to be affirmed? Here is another question: are you nicer to people outside your household, or the ones who live with you 24/7? Okay, I bet I know the answer to that last one...everyone I know, if they were honest, would admit that they are nicer and more polite to outsiders. Not that you are mean and unkind to your loved ones, just that we don't put forth that extra effort to be pleasant like we do with others. Why is that? Let me extend that train of thought. Why do you... okay nevermind, why do I care about what other people think of me, some of them, people I do not even know??? Why do I feel happy and affirmed when people come to my blog and leave comments? Why does it make me feel valuable and appreciated when someone admires or buys something that I make?? Why do I give a Saturday of my life to go to an artisan's market and sell my creations instead of being home with my hubby?

I wonder, how much time have I spent on outside friends that I should have devoted to my family and/or God? I am not saying that friends are bad or wrong. No way! I just wonder if I have substituted "good" for "best." TV is not a big issue in this house. We did not even have one until a few months ago, but how much time have I blown piddling on the internet when my children needed my attention?

I wonder which one pleases God more? Does He look down at me and say to Himself "Wow! Look at those hair sticks Michele made?" Or is he more pleased when I set it all aside to read that same book for the 687th time to my four-year-old? When I stand before Him one day, will He show me all the times that I said, "Not now, I'm busy!" And will He show me that what I was really saying was "Not now, I am selfish."

How do you strike a balance? How do you "find time for yourself" without neglecting the others who need you? My seven kids are only here for a limited time. Why would I want to spend one single precious moment of it doing things that are not going to matter in the end? And really, why is it not enough? Why can I not feel as eager and excited about doing a history lesson with one of my children, washing the dishes or cooking a meal for my family as I can about starting a new knitting project or chatting with an online friend? Being "mom" is not glamorous. Often it is not fun, and usually it is a thankless job. I wish that I could get the warm fuzzies from housework and disciplining children. It might make it all easier.

I truly do have creative urges. Are they something put there by God, or something I need to control so that I can focus on what is TRULY important. Are my outside interests legit and something that makes me a more complete person, or just a distraction from what I should be doing? What is the balance?

Hmmmm...

A Busy Home School Mom's Laundry System

Schedule your laundry! This has been the biggest life-saving tip that I can give. I will share my system with you. If my system can keep a family of 9 from having laundry pile up, then it can certainly work for you too!

–There are three basic principles to my system.

1) Keep the dirty laundry pre-sorted. (more about this below)

2) Teach everyone in the family who is big enough to reach the machine how to properly do laundry. (All my kids help load, unload, and fold. At about age eight or nine, I will trust them to actually run the machine.)

3) Designate days of the weeks for different “zones” to do laundry.

–As an example, here is how it works in my household: The “zones” around here are GIRLS, BOYS and PARENTS. Each zone contains at least two dirty clothes hampers — one is for lights/whites and one is for darks/colors. In the boys zone, there is also a hamper for towels/linens. Even the youngest person in my house knows that their dirty clothes go into the proper hamper. We no longer spend time sorting laundry. It is pre-sorted for washing!

–My laundry schedule runs like this:

On Monday and Thursday, the girls must do all the laundry in their zone. That means wash, dry and fold and put away! They are also required to change their bed linens on one of those days.

On Tuesday and Friday, the boys must completely do all the laundry in their zone, including all the towels. They also must do their bed linens.

I do laundry on Wednesday and Saturday.

Even if your family is not as big as mine, making a laundry schedule and following it may revolutionize your life!!!

For more Works-for-Me-Wednesday tips, visit Rocks In My Dryer.

It's THAT time again!!

Warning: This is a post about home schooling. If you do not home school, nor have any interest in home schooling, please move on because I will probably bore you to tears!

Another warning: My mind is running in 10 different directions at moment on this subject. I apologize ahead of time for any incoherence!


It is that time again. Time to start planning for the upcoming school year...and I am floundering!

Here is what people on the outside see and say: "Wow! She really must have her act together. I can't imagine juggling 7 kids and home schooling them too! And they are all so smart and accomplished and polite. I don't know how she does it!"

Here is what I think on the inside: "I am a miserable failure. Yes, my kids are smart, but I should have done so much MORE! They are fine by the world's standards, but I should have pushed harder, been more disciplined. If I had been more pushy and not allowed them to be so self-directed they would have more accomplishments by now. They could be fluent in a foreign language or studying nuclear physics by now or playing an instrument at Carnegie Hall. The older ones got all my attention and zeal because I was younger and excited when I started to home school them. The middle ones have fallen through the cracks. I can't believe that I have compromised all my ideals and haven fallen back on boxed curriculum for my older kids so that I can get it all done. If I was more self-disciplined we could be doing more creative stuff."

Here is what people on the outside say: "You've been doing this for 13 years? You must have a lot of experience and wisdom. You probably know exactly how to do it all now."

Here is what I think on the inside: "I have NO IDEA what I should be doing this year with my 5th grader!! I want her to be more excited about learning. During her beginning school year I was pregnant and miserable. Then I got distracted trying to figure out the whole high school thing with her older siblings. Her last year was a big mess. She is so bright in all areas and even natural to math and yet she says she hates math! ARGH! I don't want her to think learning is a drudge...something to get out of the way so she can move on to what she enjoys. And my 7th grader...I certainly have not spent enough time with him. He is definitely the neglected middle kid. It isn't fair! And what about my 4 1/2 year old? She is so bright and eager. It doesn't seem fair to hold her back when she is so ready to learn, but really, I had not planned on starting her until after her oldest brother graduated this coming year."

Honestly, I was more self-assured in the beginning than I am now. I guess there is something to be said for being young and foolish and believing you have all the answers. With maturity and wisdom comes the realization that I do NOT have all the answers, that there is not just one way to do it, that I should not look down my nose at folks who use a "boxed curriculum," that what worked great for one child may be a total flop with the next.

When all those nagging doubts plague me, this is what I have to tell myself:

~My children are people. Yes, people. They are not empty boxes to be filled. They have unique personalities, abilities and needs.

~It is not necessary for me or my children to meet other people's standards. We must do our best to follow God's plan for ourfamily. NEVER compare ourselves to others.

~My children are happy and content with who they are. Most of their accomplishments are their own...they pursued their own interests and were not pushed by some over zealous parent who needed to be fulfilled by having a child prodigy to brag about.

~My children have had the good fortune to be allowed to be children. They have not been pushed by the media, pop culture, or peers into dealing with adult issues before they are old enough.

~My children can relate to and converse with anyone of any age. They do not require that someone be within 12 months of their own age to be able to communicate. They can talk to folks decades older and younger than they are. They do not look at adults as if we are aliens and they do not treat younger folk with disdain.

~My children know that in our home, relationships with God other people come first.

~My older kids all know the satisfaction of hard work and earning their own money. They also know that money and possessions will not bring happiness.

~My kids may not know everything, but if they are interested in something, they know HOW to pursue it and learn more about it.


Well, I guess I am not such a failure after all!